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QPersonal Statement for College. HELP!?

I'm writing my Personal Statement for College to do a HNC/HND in Business and would really appreciate any advice you could give me on my personal statement so far. Just really want to make sure I'm going along the right lines. Thanks!

Ever since my parents decided to create a business in their spare time, I have been fascinated with the business world. Our family-run business has given me the inspiration to start my own business. A business orientated career is a competitive environment but I know I have the determination and motivation to do well. However, in order for me to succeed, I must widen my knowledge about business and this course would be an excellent opportunity to equip myself with the necessary skills to do so. Seeing my parents do something that they feel passionate about has encouraged me to become more involved in business. Whilst they make most of the strategic decisions about the business, I act as the sole receptionist out with of school - taking all bookings and organising any advertising. These responsibilities have made me as a person more organised and has developed my communication skills with customers. This is in contrast to my childhood where my uncle became Owner and Manager of my late granddad’s plumbing business. However, he had no formal qualifications relating to business and therefore his lack of knowledge of business eventually led to its bankruptcy. From this experience, at an early age I knew that in order to be successful in business you need to be determined, passionate and most of all hardworking.

For four years I have worked in a business environment as a Sales Assistant. However, for the past two years I have gained significantly a number of different responsibilities as the business has developed and grown…


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